August 8, 2024
Episode Description
How do you reset your relationship with dopamine? How do you manage burnout? How do you stay focused when working from home? In this episode I answer YOUR questions about money and neurodivergence. You’ll learn how complete a dopamine detox, strategies for overcoming burnout, tips for dating with ADHD, productivity hacks, and even how to combine finances with a partner.
Thanks for listening to Dopamine Dollars! If you enjoyed the episode, I’d love it if you could leave a review 💚
What You’ll Learn
- The connection between dopamine & spending
- How to complete a dopamine detox
- Why ND relaxation strategies don’t work for us
- Tips for overcoming burnout
- Work from home tips as an ADHD’er
- How to combine finances with your partner
Important Links
Get the Dopamine Dollars budget template HERE.
Check out Lina + Lubna’s GoFundMe HERE.
Follow LittleMissAbyss on Instagram or TikTok.
Resources
- Listen to the episode on dopamine
- Follow LittleMissAbyss on Instagram or TikTok
- Dopamine Nation by Dr. Anna Lembke
- Listen to the episode on my 5-account system
Let’s Stay Connected!
Follow me on Instagram: @ellyce.fulmore
Follow me on TikTok: @queerd.co
Check out my website: www.queerdco.com
Stock Music provided by LevelUpMusicSolutions, SunSmileMusic, LeChuckz, goodmoodmusic, and SoundKit, from Pond5. Music: Dreams – Bensound License code: XCGCFKGCETKYVIX8 Support by RFM – NCM: https://bit.ly/3c8WxMf Music: Divergence by Filo Starquez is licensed under a Creative Commons License. Support by RFM – NCM: https://bit.ly/2xGHypM
Transcript
Any sort of rest that you’re doing…The main goal is to be fear, obligation, and guilt free when doing it.
Hi friends, and welcome back to Dopamine Dollars, the podcast where we dive into the emotions, science, and real life impact of managing your money and your life when you’re neurodivergent. I’m your queer AuDHD host, Ellyce Fulmore, and today we are doing a Q&A episode.
This is going to be a different episode than we typically do, but I’m excited to do this and basically just be answering your questions on the fly. It’s a lot less of a planned out and scripted episode, so it’ll be interesting and I’ll probably be talking a lot faster than I normally do because that’s what happens when I’m just yapping just about random things.
But yeah, we’re going to be answering some of your questions that you all submitted on the question box on Instagram. And if you want to get your questions answered next time and make sure you’re following me there at Elyse Fullmore, I’ll also link that in the show notes.
I’m going to answer your questions about impulse spending, neurodivergent burnout, ways to de-stress and manage anxiety, finding confidence to start romantic relationships as an adhder, staying focused when working from home, and how to combine finances with your partner.
So as you can see, we’re kind of covering a wide range of topics, but I think it’s going to be a really interesting episode, so I hope that you enjoy it. This is actually going to be the last episode of season one.
As some of you might remember, I mentioned in the trailer for dopamine dollars that I will not be doing episodes every week indefinitely. Because being neurodivergent and just knowing myself, I know that I will inevitably fall behind at some point, which I already have this month.
As you may have noticed, there was two weeks where I didn’t put out an episode because I was working on the budget template. So instead I planned out, and I planned this out like since the beginning, that I would do weekly episodes for a few months and then take a month break and then go back to things.
So that being said, we will break for the rest of August after this episode and resume the first or second week of September for season two and the second season of dopamine dollars.
I will be having guests coming on, so I’m super excited about that and that’s something to definitely look forward to. In the meantime, we have some other exciting things going on.
I just launched the dopamine dollars budget template. Finally. Woohoo!
If you’ve been following along on this, you know this has been like a very long journey and this is a one of a kind Google sheets template that I’ve created. It’s colorful, automated and adhd friendly, and it’s specifically designed to make managing your finances more fun and engaging.
What I love about this template is that it’s not just a monthly budget tracker. It will actually help you create a money plan based on your estimated income, expenses, saving and investing goals, and debt payoff goals.
So not only is there like a monthly tracker, but there’s also a lot of setup at the beginning that will help you basically set your money plan and like where you want your money to go and look at all the numbers together and it’s just like a very accessible and approachable way of laying that all out.
The spreadsheet includes automated savings and debt trackers, visual monthly bill calendars, an annual dashboard, monthly spending trackers and more. If you’re interested in purchasing the dopamine dollar spreadsheet, you can find the link in the show notes and 25% of the profits from this budget template during the launch period will go toward the family in Gaza that we are currently fundraising money for to help them evacuate.
If you want to learn more about the family that we’re fundraising for, check out the GoFundMe that is linked in the show notes. And if you purchase the budget template, you are directly helping this family. So thank you so much for that.
Okay, let’s get in to the Q&A.
What are the best resources for a buying detox? Such a struggle with dopamine purchases. I love talking about this because this is literally my bread and butter. As someone who is neurodivergent and struggled with impulse spending a lot in the past, and this is something that I’ve really found a lot of like tools and systems to help me work through this.
To me, there’s multiple parts of this question. So there’s the question about like a buying detox, and we can talk about like, no spend challenges and things like that, which I’ll get to in a minute.
But then there’s also the whole dopamine aspect of it. It as well, right? And if you’re neurodivergent, you likely have a dopamine deficit, meaning that you have lower levels of dopamine in your body.
And because of that, you are essentially hardwired to constantly seek out more dopamine. And I did do an entire episode on dopamine deficiency. So I would definitely recommend checking that out because I do also have some tools in there about how to naturally increase your dopamine levels.
And also the infamous dopa menu tool, which a lot of you have been loving. That is a tool that I learned about from Jessica McCabe and Eric Tivers. And I kind of adapted it to apply to money.
But basically, it’s like having this, you know, quote unquote menu of various activities or things that give you a hit of dopamine, that you can essentially replace the dopamine hit that you get from shopping with these other sources.
Because what’s happening with spending and dopamine in particular, is that you are essentially forming this, like, feedback loop in your brain where basically, like, the first time you used shopping to cope, whether that was like, because you were understimulated, because you were dopamine deficient, or because, like, you were or upset or, you know, in a certain emotional state.
When you used shopping, like, when you did that and then you immediately got that dopamine hit, you immediately felt better. Then your brain kind of registered that. And slowly, over time, every time you felt that same emotional state or that same, you know, negative way, your brain was like, just go shopping.
Just do it. It’ll make you feel better.
And you’ve created this kind of feedback loop where now every time you feel that way, you’re craving shopping and spending money because you know that it’s going to give you a dope mean hit. And maybe not, like, consciously you know that, but your brain knows that. So it’s like, go do it.
Another thing you can do is work on resetting your relationship with dopamine. I think regardless of if you’re neurodivergent or not, a lot of us have kind of a warped relationship with dopamine because of the society that we live in. Like, we’re in a dopamine riddled world. You know what I mean?
Like, our phones and especially TikTok is literally dopamine slot machine. We’re getting so much dopamine all the time. And because of that, because we’re so hyper exposed to these, like, really highly stimulating things all the time, it changes our, like, threshold and relationship with dopamine, where an activity that used to bring us a lot of joy that’s maybe less stimulating, like reading or even just having, like, a good cup of coffee, we don’t get the same pleasure out of it because we have things like TikTok that give just like, so much, so fast.
If you’re interested in resetting your relationship with dopamine. What I recommend is trying out a dopamine fast, which I learned about from the book dopamine nature. And the author of that book, Doctor Anna Lembke, suggests doing a dopamine fast using this framework that she developed.
So the framework uses the acronym dopamine, and that stands for data, objectives, problems, abstinence, mindfulness, insight, next steps and experiment. And I’ll go through what each of those mean.
So first off, if you’re attempting a dopamine fast, you start with data, and that means understanding how you’re getting dopamine, when and how often. I think this is such an important step.
In general, even if you’re not going to do a dopamine fast, is really starting to understand your relationship to dopamine and to shopping. So the how in this case would be shopping, right. You’re getting the dopamine from spending shopping.
And what’s interesting with this example is that you actually get dopamine from anticipating shopping, from actually going shopping, and then from buying something. So there’s dopamine along the whole process, and then the when and how often is something to reflect on to understand, okay, when am I craving this dopamine hit?
Again, it might not be you. Your brain consciously being like, I want dopamine. In fact, it’s probably never going to be that.
It’s your brain being like, go shopping, you’ll feel better, right? But when is that happening? Is there anything else that is like, is there a commonality that’s happening? Is it when you’re really bored? Is it when you had a really tough day at work? Is it when you’re, like burnt out? Like, when does that happen and how often does that happen?
Then the next step of the fast is o for objectives. So here you want to reflect on why you are engaging in that behavior. So kind of building off the data from the first step is thinking on a deeper level of like, why you’re turning to shopping.
And I think, like, I’ve kind of answered that by saying it’s the dopamine hit. But also for you, there might be deeper reasons for that. So, for example, maybe you have a lot of, like, that impulse spending on clothing, and maybe part of that is stemming from low self esteem and low confidence and you just don’t feel comfortable in your body, but you are buying more clothing as a way to kind of like mask that.
So really reflect on, like, if there’s more going on there than just a dopamine deficiency, next we move on to problems. So for this piece, you want to consider the price of your vice. Basically what that means is think about any consequences related to engaging in this behavior, both now and in the future.
So how is the impulse spending, the dopamine purchases, how is that affecting you or harming you right now? Is it holding you back from other financial goals? Are you not able to pay certain bills? Are you constantly stressed about money? Like, how is that affecting you in this moment?
But then also think of basically the opportunity cost. So how is it affecting you in the future? If you were to continue on with this same kind of behavior for long term, what could it possibly prevent you from doing or hold you back from? And how might it compound and lead to maybe more challenges?
Next is abstinence. So here’s where we actually get into taking action. The suggestion from Doctor Anna Lemke is to fast from your dopamine source for four weeks. Now, I think this is like a very intense approach, and that’s why after we’re going to talk about low buy challenges instead of no buy. And you also don’t have to necessarily do four weeks.
But I think you can kind of engage in this fast in a more casual way where you’re just really being more intentional. And maybe you give yourself little challenges, like, okay, I’m going to not shop for three days, or I’m not going to not shop for five out of seven days this week, or, you know, things like that.
And so it’s not as intense, but if you want to do the full fast, you can go for that, too. And then the next step is mindfulness. So during these four weeks, as you’re fasting from your dopamine source, you want to observe how you respond without judgment and have compassion for yourself. It’s likely going to be very difficult.
You’re going to move through, like, uncomfortable feelings and emotions, and you might have moments where you, you know, fall off the fast and you engage in the dopamine source, in this case spending and buying things.
So have compassion for yourself through that as well. Then the next step is insight. So get clarity on how your behaviors are affecting you. So basically, at this point, you’re kind of now able to look back with a little bit more clarity now that you’ve had some space from this dopamine source and how were those behaviors affecting you?
I know we reflected on this at the beginning, but now it might be a little different now that you’ve had some distance from it and maybe also reflect on how this fast is currently affecting you, then we have n, which stands for next steps.
So decide where you want to go after fasting. So after these four weeks, make a plan for yourself of how you’d like to move forward. And I personally don’t suggest trying to do like a full no buy year or something like that. That’s probably a lot for a lot of people more.
So, like, what do you want to do differently after this initial fast? The last step is experiment, which involves exploring different strategies for maintaining your new dopamine set point. So basically you’ve fasted from this source of dopamine.
And so the goal is that, you know, after this fast, your dopamine set point has gone down and how are you going to kind of maintain that moving forward? And that involves some experimentation.
Now, if you’re not ready to commit to a full dopamine fast, let’s talk about placing some restrictions around shopping that are less intense. I personally suggest a low buy challenge instead of a no buy challenge.
And the difference is that a no buy is complete restriction, whereas a low buy introduces boundaries but not full restriction. So a low buy could look like challenging yourself to not buy in certain categories.
Like, I’m not going to buy any new clothes this month or I’m going to do less Amazon orders this month or whatever that is. And so instead of having complete restriction, which I think for a lot of neurodivergent people can be counterproductive in some ways.
Like if you introduce complete restriction, you might have this kind of binge restrict cycle where then you’re going on like a shopping spree after the restriction. So I think a low buy is kind of this happy medium where you give yourself some boundaries, but it’s not full restriction.
And those boundaries could also be things like, I’m going to wait 24 hours before purchasing something. I’m going to have something on my wish list for three months before I purchase it, whatever that looks like for you.
Last thing I will say for this buying detox question is I also really recommend having some sort of reward system built into all of this. So whether you’re doing a dopamine fast or you’re going to do a low buy challenge, or you’re going to, you know, implement a dopa menu situation, have some sort of rewards in place for not spending, whether that is money toward like a savings goal or something else that you want to buy, or it doesn’t have to be monetary related, it can be some sort of other reward.
But having that built in, I think, helps because it gives you something exciting and a dopamine hit to look forward to that, again doesn’t involve spending.
Our next question is, have you ever experienced neurodivergent burnout? And, yes, I am definitely experiencing it right at this very moment. So thank you for asking. And that was the full question.
I’m not sure if this person was looking for solutions or just wanted to know if I’ve experienced it, but I’m going to kind of tie in some solutions that connect to the next question, which is, what are some of your favorite ways to de stress and manage anxiety?
Now, I did briefly answer this question on my instagram, but I wanted to go into more detail on this episode. This is something that I’ve actually recently been working on shifting lately, because in the past, I’ve used, like, typical coping mechanisms that we are often taught, like taking deep breaths and meditating, going for a walk.
You know, those things that people tell you to do to manage anxiety. But I always felt like there was a block for me, and I could never fully relax or connect and be present to whatever that activity was.
And I wouldn’t say that I usually walked away feeling more calm and, like, less stressed. And so recently, I’ve learned a lot more about, like, self regulation as a neurodivergent person and specifically self regulation when you’re in burnout.
And most of these things that I’ve learned is from the creator, little Miss Abyss. And I will link them in the show notes, their TikTok, and Instagram, so you can check that out. But they make really great videos on, like, nervous system regulation.
And basically, when you’re neurodivergent and you’re in this burnout stage, there’s steps you have to go through in order to get to the point of even being able to do an activity like deep breaths or meditating.
So those types of activities involve a mind body connection. And when you’re deep in burnout, you are not able to do that. Like, you just don’t have the capacity to do that. And so there’s more of, like, a tiered system that you go through that your body and mind have to go through before you’re ready for that.
Now, the tiered system that this creator, their name is Nicole Nascimento, I’m not sure if I’m pronouncing that right, but they have this little tiered system, this graphic that they created, which is a framework for different levels of accessibility when it comes to self regulation.
And it goes from burnout to hyper vigilance to. Tolerable action to rest and recharge and then to deep recharge. So what’s happening for a lot of neurodivergent people, especially in burnout, is that they’re not able to actually access rest properly.
And they’re trying to scale from being in burnout to this, like, rest and recharge tier, which is too far away. We got to go step by step. The first level when you’re in burnout, what you want to focus on is environment focused strategies.
So basically what this means is external tools that are going to help you regulate and relax, but that don’t involve any sort of, like, mind body connection. Right. And one of the, the best terms that I learned from this person is that they said that rest needs to be fog free.
And fog stands for fear, obligation, and guilt. So any sort of rest that you’re doing, the main goal is to be fear, obligation and guilt free when doing it. If you have any of those involved, if you’re feeling a sense of obligation, like, I shouldn’t be resting right now, I should be doing this other thing.
Or if you’re feeling guilty, like, I need to go back to work, I can’t be resting, then you’re not going to be experiencing rest, and you’re going to remain in that burnout stage. So at this point, it’s environment focused strategies, and it’s very much indulgence.
This could literally be like scrolling on TikTok. This could be watching a tv show, eating good food, like relaxed types of things, and just things that bring you joy. And that, again, are external, like environment focused strategies.
Then the next stage we’d move on to is hyper vigilance. And this is body focused strategies. So basically some sort of stimming, any sort of stimulation that calms you down. This could be things like a weighted blanket, a heating pad, taking a warm bath, very light stretching.
If you have one of those cocoon, those little swings you can swing in, things like that, any sort of, like, stimming activity that can calm you down. And again, these are body focused strategies, but we’re still not having that, like, mind body connection.
Next we have tolerable action. And this is where the mind body strategies start to come in. So this is where most of the strategies that we hear about when it comes to, like, managing anxiety, managing burnout, they’re on this tolerable action range, which skips two of the levels that many neurodivergent people are in.
This would be those typical things you think of, which is like the breath work the meditation, yoga, that activity where you look around the room and point out things you can hear and smell and see.
And this also involves more, I guess, like, awareness of what is going on for you and, like, compassion for what’s going on. And these can be very inaccessible when you’re trying to jump straight to them. And that’s why if you’re like me, you might have that experience where you feel a block and you can’t, like, fully connect to it.
Then we have rest and recharge and deep recharge. And these are like, our grounding strategies. I guess maybe this would be more where meditation fits in, but these are kind of like the full relaxation.
We’re not even going to dive into that because I think a lot of you are probably in the burnout, hypervigilance or tolerable action stage. If you’re in the rest and recharge, then there’s lots of resources out there on things to do because you can kind of access more of those, like, neurotypical approaches.
For me, where I am right now in this, like, stage of burnout is I’m actually having to teach my nervous system how to relax. And I don’t think my body actually knows what rest feels like anymore.
Because even if I’m calling it rest, even if I taking a weekend off, taking an evening off, doing something I enjoy, it’s very rarely, I would say, fog free. There’s always some sort of feeling of, like, there’s something else to be doing.
You know, like, I’m not ever, like, fully relaxing. And I think that’s, like, actually been challenging for me to come to terms with. So that’s something that I’m currently working on. And I do want to have a, like, burnout professional come on to the episode and talk about neurodivergent burnout because it’s definitely different than neurotypical burnout.
It’s very intense and it’s something that I personally don’t actually know how to overcome because I can’t afford to take, like, six months off work, which is, like, truly what I need. And so I am a little bit nervous that I’m going to hit a point where I’m going to be forced to stop because my body just shuts down. So I’m hoping not to get to that.
I’m working on, like I said, teaching my nervous system how to relax. But experiencing neurodivergent burnout is very challenging and I think a lot of us don’t have the proper tools to actually overcome it.
Now, to actually answer the question, what are my favorite ways to de stress and manage anxiety? So I just kind of, like, talked about what’s going on for me there. But some of my personal favorite activities are marinating in bed.
This is my new thing that we’re calling it.
Instead of rotting in bed, it’s the morning marinate or afternoon marinate and evening marinate as well. But basically every morning before I begin work, that is, like, part of my morning routine that I literally lie in bed under my duvet, often with a heating pad.
And I either read or watch a show or, like, currently I’m watching the Olympics. And that time has really changed my life in a lot of ways. And that sounds maybe dramatic, but it’s so true because I have always been the type of person that wakes up in the morning, and I’m immediately stressed about work, and I’m immediately looking at my phone and going to my desk and, like, starting work.
And this also has to do with the fact that now my partner works a nine to five and gets up early, so I wake up early as well to make breakfast for them. And so I’m up earlier in general, which I think helps with some of the stress because, like, the rest of the world hasn’t necessarily woken up and started work yet.
But I have this undivided time in the morning. This is my morning marinate, and that’s helped with de stressing. I also, like, just in general, watching tv, playing on my switch, reading. I find, like, those are, you know, things that would be in my indulgence stage.
Light stretching and weighted blanket and heating pad if I’m moving into the, like, hypervigilanthe body focus strategies, and then if I’m feeling up for it, I do really enjoy, like, going outside and especially, like, sitting on a blanket and just, like, reading or relaxing.
Um, I love going in the water as well, so, like, going swimming is a big one, but I don’t always have the capacity for that.
Okay. Whew. I talked about that for a long time.
So next question: What are some tips for being confident to start romantic relationships as an ADHDer?
My biggest tip would definitely be to be yourself and try to unmask as much as you possibly can from day one. So that way, you know that if it ends up being something more serious and developing into a romantic relationship, that you’re being your authentic self from the beginning and that,you know, it’s a relationship with someone that you feel comfortable to be yourself around.
So I think that would be a big one in terms of just, like, showing up the way you are. And something for me that I always like to remember on, like, first dates is that it’s basically a job interview.
Not the questions you ask, but you’re assessing whether or not you like them. And they’re assessing whether or not I not they like you. And I think a lot of times we go into dates being like, I really hope they like me, and we’re really worried about whether or not the other person likes us, that we maybe don’t always take the time to think, do I actually like this person, though?
Like, is this person someone actually I want to date? I like to go into first dates with that kind of mindset. I’m assessing whether there’s somebody that I want to date. I don’t care what they think about me at this point. Right?
That’s none of my business. All I’m worried about is, is this someone that I would like to date? Is this someone that I feel like is a good fit for me and that I feel like has helped with my confidence going into these dates.
I’m not coming in here trying to impress the other person. I’m coming in there wanting to be impressed. You know what I mean?
I also think kind of building off the unmasking thing is that you want to make sure that anyone that you’re starting a romantic relationship with, especially as a neurodivergent person, is that it’s someone that you feel comfortable with.
You feel comfortable to unmask, you feel comfortable to communicate your needs and to ask for accommodations or tell them honestly what’s going on and things like that, because I think whether it’s relationships, romantic relationships, or friendships, it can be very difficult in the beginning stages.
As someone who’s neurodivergent, if you struggle to respond to text messages, if you’re maybe a little bit flaky and maybe you’re late for a date, and sometimes those things can come across to the other person as, like, disrespectful or like that you’re not trying.
I think if you really communicate upfront some of the things maybe that you struggle with and if you are running late, like, communicating that and being really honest about where you’re at and the things you struggle with and trying as much as you can to also let them know how you’re really feeling, a lot of times it’s an us thing, right?
It’s something that we’re internally battling with. It doesn’t have to do with the person that we’re meeting. I hope that answered your question a little bit.
The next question is, how do you stay focused? Lol. I am work from home now and with my adhd it is impossible. I understand. I very much feel you. It is very difficult working from home. So I just want to acknowledge that first off.
But let’s fire off some tips because I have a lot. The first one, I would say, is learning how to work with your energy levels instead of fighting it.
I suggest having three different energy plans for your days. So you have a low energy, medium energy and high energy plan, and you decide ahead of time what your morning routine will look like on those days and what type of work tasks you can realistically tackle for each of those energy levels.
And then when you wake up, you assess your energy and employ the appropriate plan. Now, I know sometimes it doesn’t work perfectly if there are like certain things you have to do for your job every day, but I think for a lot of people there’s a little bit of flexibility in terms of like, they have stuff they have to do for the week, but when they complete it throughout the week can vary a bit.
So in cases like that, if you’re having a low energy day working on those low energy tasks, the low capacity tasks that don’t take a lot of creativity and brainpower, maybe more of like the admin stuff and the high energy days, you’re pounding out like all of that really tough work that maybe requires a lot of decisions and things like that.
So that would be one thing in terms of, like, just getting used to your energy levels. I also would say having systems set up is so helpful. And just like financial systems, your tools are likely going to expire. So you always want to have kind of a backup option in your back pocket.
So for me, I tend to kind of cycle through using notion as my to do list, task list. And I do really like having a digital task list that exists, but then I also have a physical planner because I really like to write things out and cross them out.
But then the digital planner is nice because my to do list is like always living there, but then I’ll go through phases where I just don’t want to use the notion board and so I’m only on pen and paper or like vice versa. And that’s totally okay, I think.
Just like having those options there for me to kind of bounce between. I would also say that when you’re planning out your to do list for the day, estimate how long you think tasks will take before you start working and then however long you think they’re going to take, add like a 20% buffer and then use timers.
So use like a visual desk timer or just a timer on your computer or phone to keep you on track for that time that you just set. And then a big kind of controversial tip is when the timer goes off, like, move on to the next task, even if you haven’t finished that task, because otherwise you could get stuck on one task all day, and then as a result, you don’t get all the other things done.
And I think that can put you in kind of a hard situation now. I think in terms of staying focused because it can be very just like, under stimulating. I feel like to work from home on the computer by yourself.
For me, that looks like having some sort of stimulation on in the background. So I’m almost always either having, like, a YouTube video, a tv show, or music playing while I’m working and has to be something that’s, like, not too engaging.
Like, if it’s, I don’t know, a brand new show I’m watching that I’m, like, super hyper focused on, that’s not the type of thing to put on while I’m working. It’s more like, like I’m gonna have, like, friends on in the background, you know, that helps to keep me stimulated while I’m working.
So that’s one thing I would also say, like, rewarding yourself, a little reward for doing certain things or rewarding yourself during the task. So having, like, your favorite snack or, like, a fun beverage while you are doing a task that’s especially boring and when you really can’t focus, step away.
Forcing yourself to do something never works when you have ADHD. So if you’re just really, like, fidgety, can’t pay attention to something, can’t sink into a task, step away from your desk. Go do something else for a period of time.
Set a timer if you need to for like, half an hour. If you can’t take that long, ten minutes, five minutes, but, like, completely get away. Go to a different room, go outside for some fresh air. Do a task that is ideally not on a screen.
On that note of, like, we can’t force things, sometimes you just have to abandon a task and move on to something else else because your brain is just not latching onto that task. And you could either spend the rest of your afternoon trying to force yourself, talking down to yourself and, like, just sitting there being like, oh, my gosh, like, doing, you know, typing out three words and then getting distracted and like, whatever that looks like.
Or you could drop it for the day, move on to the next task. And even if you don’t get that one thing done, maybe you get some other things done and that can help give you maybe some momentum to come back to it.
Or it just needs to be some that, you know, gets done a different day. My last thing I would say is that you can work wherever you want, so, you know, you don’t have to work at your desk. You can work on the floor, you can work on the couch, you can work on your bed.
You also can, you know, have a standing desk, you can have a weird chair. Doesn’t have to be like a typical desk chair, things like that. There’s a lot of different options. A walking pad, like, I know that’s something that helps a lot of people because it provides some stimulation.
And standing desk can even do that too. Sometimes you can get one of those, like, pads for your feet. That might be something that, like, just keeps the blood pumping while you’re working.
Provides a little bit of that brain power. Yeah, basically, you don’t have to follow the typical work approach that a lot of people do. All right, last question is, how do you recommend combining finances with your partner in terms of account setups?
So, first off, I want to say that there’s absolutely no right or wrong way to combine or not combine finances with your partner. Do not worry about what other people are doing.
Focus on what makes it sense for you. That being said, I don’t typically recommend, like, a full combining of your finances. If you want to do that, then please go ahead.
But I think for the most part, I usually recommend having, like, some joint accounts where it makes sense, but still having some separation, especially when it comes to spending accounts like spending cards.
And then also when it comes to, like, a safety fund, you can definitely have a safety fund together, but I also recommend having, like, an individual savings account because that’s just like something to protect you if you want to follow my five account system.
But for you and your partner, instead of just for individually and just a reminder, my five account system, I have a whole podcast episode on it.But basically I talk about a approach to splitting up your money where you have a hub account, then a bill payment account, a spending account, short term savings account, and long term investment account.
And those are kind of like where you have your money divvied up to so you could do the hub account as a joint account and have both of your incomes getting deposited into that account, and then your bill account could also be a joint account.
So if you’re paying your bills together, that’s on a joint account, or if you have a lot of bills that you pay separately, like certain subscriptions that are, you know, just for you, then you might have separate bill accounts, but you could have that one together and then for the spending accounts, that’s where I do recommend having separation.
So you each have your own kind of allowance card for individual allowances. You can definitely be transparent in terms of how much is going on that card. And you’re setting up the automation from the joint hub account, so you would see that.
But I think having, like, full autonomy over your spending card is helpful so that you’re not micromanaging each other’s spending and you just feel guilt free in terms of, like, that’s your money to spend however you want.
And then if you want, you could also have a joint spending card, like my partner and I have one for groceries and gas, so we each have our own individual spending cards. And then we also have a joint spending card for groceries and I specifically.
And then you would likely have probably some sort of joint short term savings accounts together for whatever goals you are jointly saving for. And again, for like a joint safety fund. But then I definitely recommend having some of your own savings as well, if there’s, like, some of your own individual goals that you’re saving up for.
And again, like that individual safety fund, and then you would both have separate long term investments as well. I also talk about this more in my book. I have an entire chapter dedicated to relationships, and it’s called love at first.
Swipe, a guide to building an equitable relationship. And I interview a lot of different couples and even a polyamorous triad in the chapter, talking about their different situations and basically navigating their different money story and their differences.
How to have money conversations and navigate those tough conversations. And then I also, at the end of the chapter, have strategies for managing money as a team, which talk about some of the things I just mentioned. Basically how to create that equity within your finances in a relationship.
All right, friends, that is it for this Q&A episode.
Thank you so much for listening to Dopamine Dollars.
And remember, you’re not bad with money. You’re just neurodivergent.
This was the last episode of season one. We’re going to have a month break now, and then I will see you very soon for season two, where we’re going to have some exciting guests on and a lot more episodes on how to manage your money and your life when you’re neurodivergent.
